Friday, December 24, 2010

Da Dark Eldar Menass

Sub: ++Fwd: Intercepted Inquisitork Research Report++
CC: ++palatinehalquin@cleansingfire.ecl++

+Burning Sands Battle Barge Tea Time intercepted this transmission from an Ork held world in the Dresdiff system.  Some kind of scientific report on the Dark Eldar by an Ork calling himself Interrogatork Snog.  Could have link to Inquisitor Kane?  Thought you'd want to see.  Been translated to Gothic for convenience.+

Dis is da news on dem tiny little gitz what gots dem pointy ears and wear dem spikes all da time, right?  Da Boss said I was da smartst ork he knew dat weren't himself so I'm supposed ta study dem.  So 'ere I go.

Dem boyz da boss calls da Dark Eldar is made of Goes Fast.  I seen dem do stuff dem Cult of Speed boyz couldn't do with all da teef in da verse.  Dey gets up in da air with dese big sleds what gots guns on dem and dey flies around real fast goin' bang.  Dey gots dese guns that shoot 'urty bits, and dey shoots 'em from da sky sleds like woosh.  I dunno what dey's like on da ground cause da only time we ever sawed them on the ground was when we blewed up da flying bits theys on.  Dats easy though.  A one armed grot with a spanner could knock one outta da sky.

Anyway, dey flies around a lot, and they shoots a lot, and I heard deys right choppy when dey get stuck in, but good luck ever gettin' 'em ta do dat.  It's all flyin for dem boys.  Dey gots dese lasers what don't make no noise but dey's still deady shooty, which I thought was dumb.  Who wants somethin' dead shooty if nobody knows you's shootin' it?

Dey also gots dese ugly beasts what run about bein ugly and chompin' but dey's no match for some good Nobs and choppas.  I did once dee dis Dark Eldar git with a sword what killed stuff right proper, suckin' da water outta da boyz, but he went all chopped up too when da boss got to 'im.

So dat's all.  Dey's fast, dey's choppy but don't chop, dey flies around a lot and are dead shooty but not too dead shooty and dey's really annoyin'.  Dere, I did my brain bitz.  Can I go shoot stuff now?

Interrogatork Snog of da Inquisitork Horde used ta be Big Mek Snog of da Bad Moon Clan.

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