Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Battle Report: The Defense of Kornaria City

Report: The Defense of Kornaria City
Date: 127.M42
Logger: Palatine Kora Halquin, Order of Our Martyred Lady, Cleansing Fire Commandery
Location: Kornaria City, Kornaria VII, Davoth Subsector, Eastern Rim

I awoke the morning of the battle with a supreme hunger for the smoking flesh of our enemies and also for a danish, which my aide Sabella had kindly placed next to my bed to help facilitate the glories I would bring to The Emperor on this day.   As I have mentioned in my previous reports, I am not prone to taking to battle with my other sisters due to developing a terrible allergy to the inside of power armor which causes an unsightly and quite irritating rash only compounded more by the inability to scratch it due to atually being in power armor.  As such, I have been relegated to logistics and bureacracy in the Commandery, a job in which I have disovered no inconsiderable skill.

We were warned of the advance of the devious Eldar by a spy we had planted in the midst of their upper echelon, one Filli Boton, late of the Callidus Temple of Assassins.  It is not known what, exactly, she was doing to get the information from the Eldar Farseer Elorhha, but I trust it was something suitably unpleasant, such as discussing Eldar philosophy or history.  No one who spends that much time around Xenos should have it easy.  Whatever she had done, we were prepared for the attack on the city, but not for the terrible resilience of Eldar vehicles which we had been told were made of something akin to paper mache and thin strips of wire.

The walls of Kornaria City were breached as the Eldar came from their foul Webway gates just outside of the city's main defenses, and they surged ahead relentlessly.  To the north they were met with our Seraphim, led by brave Seraphim Superior Tandy Brown, who met her end planting a meltabomb onto an Eldar Waveserpent.  Though the transport was destroyed, it spewed forth a horde of incredibly ill mannered pointy eared females who reduced the Seraphim to small pieces with their power swords.  The day was not theirs, however, as immediately they were consumed in the holy fires of the Emperor's judgement from one of our Immolators, and the remaining were blown to little prissy chunks by our retributor squad's heavy bolters.  One of these Banshees survived, fleeeing back towards the webway portal screaming what I can only assume was a very sincere apology in her foul Xenos language.

As our forces advanced to clear the breached wall, another Waveserpent disgorged a unit of  Dark Avengers or some such pompous nonsensical name who, combined with fire from approaching jetbikes, tore Sarah Black's unit to pieces.  Of the original ten, only three survived, including Sarah herself, who rallied her troops through Faith in Him and burned the Xenos wussies into ash.

Just to the west of them a squad of Celestians became engaged with a unit of Wraithguard in a brutal melee that lasted much longer than anyone really expected, our brave Celestians fighting back against the bony scourge with sarissa and a few good socks to the jaw before finally being overwhelmed.

Farther south, at the other wall breach, our faces came under attack from a towering Wraithlord whom Cannoness Angelica dubbed, "That Big Ugly White Fuck."  The Wraithlord destroyed an Immolator and an Excorcist before our other Excorcist reduced it to its component heretic parts with holy rocket propelled death.  Just near to this terrible event was the dread Farseer who was caught quite unawares when her jetbike's saddlebag turned out to be a Callidus Assassin.  There followed an intense close quarters battle which was joined by a squad of Eldar Pathfinders.  The Farseer broke and ran, and Filli, well knowing her duty, followed, making a mockery of the fabled Eldar marksmanship through a series of backflips, handsprings, somersaults and rude gestures.  She chased the fleeing Farseer through the woods, turning only once to wipe out the Pathfinders with a blast from her neural shredder before the Farseer finally stopped running like a sissy and turned to fight, popping Filli's head like a gava fruit through heretic psychic power.  I believe that had Filli spent more time in church and less time pretending to be inanimate objects her faith might have protected her as it does us.

And where was our brave Cannoness in all of this?  She was darting around the battlefield heedlessly attacking the biggest things she could find, namely Eldar Falcons.  Meltabombs and Bolt pistol bringing her terrible anger to such foul machines as "Red Racer" and "Black Betty" Angelica finally charged the Wraithguard moments after they had finished the Celestians and killed two, one with her pistol and the other with her blessed greatsword "Ass Kicker" (It is rumored she named it herself).

In the end, however, the Eldar were victorious, forcing us to flee the field and bomb the city from orbit.  The surviving member of the DOminion squad that had been mounted in the Immolator the Wraithlord destroyed was in visible range of the webway portal which was the sourceof Eldar reinforcements, but was called back at the last minute as Inquisitor Vecht aboard the Nolo Contende decided that Kornaria City wasn't really pretty enough to be saved anyway and shot the main battery at it.

In the end we consider this a phyrric victory as, after all, it is impossible to lose while The Empror is at your side.  it is only a matter of winning in a surprisingly defeatest manner.

1 comment:

  1. It was an absolutely terrific game, thank you! And your write up makes it even more entertaining!!